The Arctic Monkeys Save Christmas
by Nelauk
Summary: It's up to Alex Turner and his pals to save the day.


It was a beautiful day in Sheffield, England. The birds were singing, the snow was falling, and Christmas was in the air. Everyone was cozying it up in their homes, drinking their hot cocoa and putting presents under the christmas tree-including The Arctic Monkeys.

Our heros were busy shooting the breeze in their highly secret headquarters, which was decorated with many decorations. Alex Turner lead singer of the Arctic Monkeys was busy greasing his hair for their next big performance while Jamie, Nick, and Matt were playing ping pong. Matt being an excellent drummer used two ping pong paddles at once and Jamie and Nick were losing to him because he was so good. "Damn Matt you've got skills," said Nick. "Yeah well what can I say...I'm just good at drummin'" Replied Matt Helders.

Just then there was a loud noise. The alarm was sounding! "Uh oh boys looks like there's trouble!" said Alex Turner, putting on his shades in a cool fashion. "MONKEYS THERE IS SOMETHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!" said their boss through the stereos. "Do I wanna know?" said Alex turner. "INDEED YOU MUST KNOW THAT SATAN IS GOING TO DESTROY CHIRSTMAS!" "OH BOLLOCKS" said Alex britishly, because he is british. "We'll be on it boss. LET'S GO MONKEYS!" he said to Nick, Matt, and Jamie. "RIGHT BEHIND YOU ALEX!" they said loyally. In no time at all the Arctic Monkeys blasted off from their headquarters and flew all the way to the North Pole.

When they landed it was very cold and there was ice and snow all around. "Well...I guess you could say that we REALLY ARE THE ARCTIC MONKEYS" (Get it because they're in the Arctic and all that) said Alex, putting on his shades again in a hip manner and running a hand through his greaser hair. "Oi Alex mate i think we're already here," said Nick O'Malley, and indeed they were right in front of Santa Claus' house. "TIME TO PUT SOME COLOUR IN SATANS CHEEKS," Alex Turner announced. He was ready. "Let's show him not to mess with us Monkeys," Jamie said. Our heroes then kicked down the doors with the power of their exceptional music and stormed inside. Ninjas materialized from the air, but Nick O'Malley vaporized them with the deadly soundwaves he made with his trusty bass guitar. "Damn Nick that was wicked," said Jamie, in awe. "Yeah well it just came to me or something, I dunno," shrugged Nick.

Meanwhile Alex was looking for Satan. "OI SATAN WE'VE COME TO KICK YOUR MARDY BUM" he called into the darkness of the ruined house. "Muhahaha I cannot be easily found Mr. Turner you will have to try harder than that!" said the deep, evil voice of Satan himself. "Alrighty then...group up, boys. I think it's time we seduce him with our outstanding music," announced Alex to his friends. "LET'S DO THIS GUYS!" Matt said, getting out his drumset and drum sticks. "One, two, three, four-" and with those numbers the band let out a mighty onslaught of pleasant noise. It was so fuckin epic when they played that all the ninjas in the area were killed instantly and all world hunger was solved. Obama became good at his job and all the women became inexplicably pregnant. Also the polar bears ended up going extinct because they all died of amazement at hearing the Arctic Monkeys play.

"Damn that's some good stuff" said Satan, and he came out of his hiding place to listen more closely to their wicked tunes. "OH SHIT I'VE BEEN FOUND" he realized.

"Hahahaa! Pleasure to finally see ya Satan what's been happening in your world?" asked Alex Turner tauntingly, in that sort of wise cracking way. "FUCK YOU ALEX TURNER AND YOUR HIGHLY PHENOMENAL MUSIC" snarled Satan angrily, the flames of Hell flaming up from behind him. "TODAY YOU WILL DIE!" "I'd like to see you try mate. ALRIGHT GUYS MONKEYS SHOW THIS BLOKE OUR STUFF" Alex shouted. "RIGHT ON IT MATE" said Jamie Cook, getting ready to defeat Satan. The Arctic Monkeys then fought against Satan, using a combination of Kung Fu and their remarkable music skills. Alex Turner gave Satan a roundhouse kick to the face while Jamie Cook hit Satan in the chest with his guitar. Matt bludgeoned him brutally with his drumsticks while Nick destroyed Satan's internal organs with his bass guitar. "DO YOU FEEL IT SATAN? THE SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL?" Alex shouted with his power baritone voice. "OH HELL I FEEL IT ALRIGHT IT'S KILLING ME FROM THE INSIDE!" Satan screamed in fear. The Arctic Monkeys were just too much for him bear!

Alex delivered the final blow by generating a massive fireball from his music in his hands. "Looks like I'm your favourite worst nightmare SATAN….EAT MY FUCKIN DUST!" "NOOOOOOOOO I HAVE BEEN FOILED!" Satan roared in despair. Our hero then threw it straight down at Satan, and the entire Arctic violently erupted in an marvelous explosion. It was so big and glorious that it engulfed the ENTIRE FUCKING MILKY WAY. In that moment the music of the Arctic Monkeys could be heard throughout the universe, even the aliens could hear it and they were amazed and jammed hard to the sick beats. "FUCK YEAH" the Monkeys said once they were done with Satan, who was but a smudge of ash on the ground. "Holy fuck we really did it Alex," said Nick Turner.

Suddenly there was a deep HOHOHOHO from somewhere. It was Santa Claus! "Well Monkeys you saved Christmas! Now how about a little celebration?" Alex Turner put on his shades and said, "Well why the fuck not." And so, as the lights of the aurora danced in the sky, the Arctic Monkeys held an incredible concert for all the elves, who were really thrashing it to them. It was a happy night. Christmas was saved, and Satan was no more. When the concert was done Alex and his band prepared to go back to England. "Today sure was a long night," said Matt. "I agree. Let's get back home, it's getting very bloody cold over here." agreed Jamie. "Yep it sure was...well we'd better pour one for the road boys, it's gonna be a long way back," Alex Turner told them. The Arctic Monkeys then blasted off into the night, and as Santa watched them he said "Merry Christmas Monkeys...keep on doing what you do" And indeed from the point on The Arctic Monkeys would always continue to make their superb songs, which was good for END


End file.
